This is really a loong day for me.. Woke up at 6.30am to go sch for exams.. Needless to say.. horrifying experince.. I took management science and stats paper today. Stats is really a KILLER. Seems like hv cheat-sheet also no use wan.. hai.. Shld hv asked prof for a closed book exam.
Now for me, F=Fail, Flunk, Finished when it used to be F=Fantastic, Freedom, Fabulous. hai.. all because of the stupid exams. I wonder if a day will come when NO exams are needed because it caused so much stress & distress for students (sometimes even parents, PSLE..) that it aren't simply worth the trouble. But i guess for now, i will just hv to live with it. Live with the consequence of not studying hard enough. Right now, i hv such mixed feelings. It's like i dun know if i shld be in biz sch.. yet all my life up to now i hv worked so hard for it. Everything tt i hv done, everything tt i sacrificed for, it was for me to get into the business sch. But now tt i am in here, i dun know if i did the right now. I feel so confused at times. Feel as if i am doing this degree because tt's what everyone is doing. It's the path i am suppose to walk, just like thousands of others. It's the normal path.
I dun know for the rest of you. Isn't there a part of you tt get so sick of doing wad everyone else is doing?? That you are sick of doing it because society expects you to do it, to conform. That you just want to take the road less travelled. To go a detour, instead of just a straight path. To slow down and see the sights instead of letting life just wash you down the stream of time. Isn't there a part of you that still wished that to be a child, to be innocent and carefree once again.. Isn't there a part of it in you??
These feelings are growing in intensity for me. It's getting so big that going to school is really an unenjoyable thing for me. With all these emotions stuck in me, it's like i am so unstable. I feel like i am being torn into 2. One part of me that says just be the normal person & lead a normal life while the part is telling me to set sails to my dreams & let it fly. I visualise myself in it and it always seem so real. Is it a sign for me?? A sign to tell me to take action?? I am so confused right now. I think i will figure it out someday.. someday.. For now, I will just push my feelings & emotions out of the way before my horrendous results are announced next month.
Let my holidays begin!!
THE END
I thought i fell into a sweet dream, only to find out it's a nightmare.
